Posts in Vittigheder

Mens de roligt komme

Mens de roligt kommer gående på en dansk landevej, råber sergenten pludselig: – FLYVER SKJUL ! Alle[…]

PÅ RESTAURANT – Har

PÅ RESTAURANT – Har De smagt vores labskovs? – Nej, ser jeg sådan ud? Vittigheder

Præsten var inde hos

Præsten var inde hos købmanden og købte et stykke sæbe. Han betalte med lutter 25- og 50-ører.[…]

Husets teenagedatter

Husets teenagedatter kommer hjem ud på de lyse timer: – Det var nok sjovt i aftes? –[…]

Hvorfor har blondine

Hvorfor har blondiner blå mærker omkring navlen? Fordi blonde mænd er lige så dumme! Vittigheder

Hun kommer ind til c

Hun kommer ind til chefen og beklager sig: – Nu må de sige til Madsen, at han[…]

En gammel dame komme

En gammel dame kommer ind til lægen, og klager sig: – Den er helt gal med min[…]

Hvad er årsagen til

Hvad er årsagen til at kvinder lever længere end mænd? De har ingen koner. Vittigheder

Yngste lærling stod

Yngste lærling stod og hvidtede loft, da mesteren kom. – Holder du godt fast i kosten, spurgte[…]

– Stik mig en whisky

– Stik mig en whisky, inden der bliver ballade. – Så gerne. En halv time senere: –[…]

– Hr. Niedmeyer, De

– Hr. Niedmeyer, De er fyret, men De kan sige til Deres tvillingebror, han kan få Deres[…]

Jeg har brækket bene

Jeg har brækket benet tre gange på samme sted. – Hvorfor holder du dig så ikke bare[…]

En mand kommer hjem

En mand kommer hjem til sin blonde kæreste en varm eftermiddag og finder hende siddende i stuen[…]

HOS LÆGEN – Kan De

HOS LÆGEN – Kan De sige, hvad jeg fejler? – Ikke præcis, men det har nok noget[…]

Mor, mor! Hvordan bl

Mor, mor! Hvordan blev jeg til? Storken kom med dig Lille Per. Er far da impotent? Vittigheder

En skotte og en jøde

En skotte og en jøde gik på restaurant sammen og spiste en stor middag. Da tjeneren kom[…]

Hvordan kan man se,

Hvordan kan man se, en mand tænker på fremtiden? Han køber to kasser øl. Vittigheder

Hvad er forskellen p

Hvad er forskellen på en dommer og en giftefoged? Den ene henviser folk til et hårdt liv[…]

Hvorfor er århusiane

Hvorfor er århusianerne taget til Irak for at købe sand? De vil selv til at bore efter[…]

Er det rigtigt, at d

Er det rigtigt, at du er blevet fyret fra dit job, Jens? – Næh, ikke direkte. Det[…]

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The minimum information we need to register you is your name, email address and a password. We will ask you more questions for different services, including sales promotions. Unless we say otherwise, you have to answer all the registration questions. We may also ask some other, voluntary questions during registration for certain services (for example, professional networks) so we can gain a clearer understanding of who you are. This also allows us to personalise services for you. To assist us in our marketing, in addition to the data that you provide to us if you register, we may also obtain data from trusted third parties to help us understand what you might be interested in. This ‘profiling’ information is produced from a variety of sources, including publicly available data (such as the electoral roll) or from sources such as surveys and polls where you have given your permission for your data to be shared. You can choose not to have such data shared with the Guardian from these sources by logging into your account and changing the settings in the privacy section. After you have registered, and with your permission, we may send you emails we think may interest you. Newsletters may be personalised based on what you have been reading on theguardian.com. At any time you can decide not to receive these emails and will be able to ‘unsubscribe’. Logging in using social networking credentials If you log-in to our sites using a Facebook log-in, you are granting permission to Facebook to share your user details with us. This will include your name, email address, date of birth and location which will then be used to form a Guardian identity. You can also use your picture from Facebook as part of your profile. This will also allow us and Facebook to share your, networks, user ID and any other information you choose to share according to your Facebook account settings. If you remove the Guardian app from your Facebook settings, we will no longer have access to this information. If you log-in to our sites using a Google log-in, you grant permission to Google to share your user details with us. This will include your name, email address, date of birth, sex and location which we will then use to form a Guardian identity. You may use your picture from Google as part of your profile. This also allows us to share your networks, user ID and any other information you choose to share according to your Google account settings. If you remove the Guardian from your Google settings, we will no longer have access to this information. If you log-in to our sites using a twitter log-in, we receive your avatar (the small picture that appears next to your tweets) and twitter username.

Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act Compliance

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Updating your personal information

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Online Privacy Policy Only

This online privacy policy applies only to information collected through our website and not to information collected offline.

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Changes to our Privacy Policy

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